Wake or funeral? Or both?

My sister%26#039;s brother in law committed suicide. We are not a close family. We only get together on father%26#039;s day or when someone dies or in hospital.(this is since my mother%26#039;s passing 10 yrs ago). She has been married to her highschool sweetheart for 25 yrs, so there are times I have met her brother in law,weddings,ect.My question is should I go to the wake or funeral or both? I%26#039;m uncomfortable already about the way he died , not very good at knowing what to say at funerals. I can%26#039;t avoid both. Was planning on sending flowers and cards. But I feel I should go to one or the other, or both. I%26#039;m not a cold hearted person it%26#039;s just that we really don%26#039;t keep in touch anymore. Seems like it%26#039;s always only if it%26#039;s a thing for my dad or we don%26#039;t even talk. Would like some input. I would like to let her know I care but I%26#039;m uncomfortable at social gatherings,especially when It%26#039;s such a sad occasion. Please help.

Wake or funeral? Or both?
I can understand you feeling uncomfortable in situations like these but i am sure your sister would really appreciate you there for her.I know you didn%26#039;t have much to do with this person but its OK for anyone to go to a funeral to pay their respects.If you do decide to go along, don%26#039;t feel as though you have to go to both, wake and funeral.Your presence will be acknowledged and that doesn%26#039;t have to be at both.Do what you think is right and that you are happy with.
Reply:layla - your sister%26#039;s brother-in-law is sort of a relative (was he your sister%26#039;s husband%26#039;s brother?), and you knew him, too. You can probably skip the wake but probably should go to the funeral. Also, send a condolence card to the family and flowers.
Reply:Whatever makes you as comfortable as possible, as long as you pay your respects.
Reply:You should go to both so you can comfort your sister even though your not a close family but they need you right now in this time of need
Reply:i know how u feel.... i%26#039;m not good with funerals either. i would probably send flowers and send HER a card. i would explain to her how i feel, and let her know how that i am truly sorry for her lost. and i would make a brief appearance at the wait.



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