Alzheimer's death in family should husband go to funeral?

My husbands Uncle died yesterday after a long battle w/ Alzheimer%26#039;s and sudden death of wife 9 months ago.


We do not have the money and there is bad blood between me and mother in law. He (husband) saw him (Uncle) last October but did not recognize him.


The funeral is Wed %26amp; we are in Houston.


I think flowers and a phone call to cousins is fine but I feel guilty that maybe we should go into debt ($400+ round trip) so he an make an appearance.


What would you do?

Alzheimer%26#039;s death in family should husband go to funeral?
I would think the flowers and a phone call would be fine. He can mourn on his own in his own way. He doesn%26#039;t have to be at the funeral, especially if it will cause problems with the family. It%26#039;s already hard enough for everyone. When you have the means, you can pay your respects.
Reply:No
Reply:If you do not have the money and would have to go in debt then family would have to understand that you just can%26#039;t do it. If your husbands mother would like for him to attend the funeral then she could offer the $400.00 round trip to get him there and back. Don%26#039;t feel guilty for something you can%26#039;t help.....sending a card and a flower arrangement would be very appropriate under the circumstances. People can only do what they can do and I am sure that the cousins would understand this when your husband is honest with them. I would not let this worry you if other%26#039;s have a problem with it let it be their problem because you guy%26#039;s can%26#039;t help it. I am sorry to hear about your loss take care.
Reply:With that much of a financial burden, it%26#039;s your husband%26#039;s call. Although, it%26#039;s showing respect to his uncle... Not his mother. Let the decision be your husband%26#039;s, afterall, it IS his family.


Personally, I think a call and flowers are fine. I%26#039;m not that close to my family though.
Reply:You don%26#039;t need to go to the funeral. I always wonder why people bother to do that. If you were close with the person who died, it would have been better to spend the money on a plane ticket then to see them when they were alive. To go see them after they die, it usually is for the family left behind. I%26#039;m sure there are other people who will be there for the loved ones of the uncle. I don%26#039;t think anyone should have to feel obligated to spend money and drive long distances for a funeral. It%26#039;s just not necessary.
Reply:I think phone calls and flowers are enough.
Reply:That depends entirely on how close your husband was to his uncle, and if your husband wants to attend the funeral.


If he wants to go, then put it on a credit card. You don%26#039;t necessarily have to go too since there is bad blood.
Reply:I think this is your husband%26#039;s call. My wife has not accompanied me to every funeral of aunts, uncles, and cousins - and vice versa - because of financial issues. And it has not been an issue for either of us. We have both gone when it is a grandparent.





I live in Iowa and heaven forbid when my uncles who live in Arizona and Virginia pass away - I would probably only attend the funeral if it was during the summer (I am a teacher) and if finances worked. I may take some heat from it from my parents, but I am long past where that matters that much to me.





I think it is your husband%26#039;s call 100% if he wants to go and please respect his decision. If he expects you to go than I think you are reasonable in declining for the financial reasons - not the issues with his mother.





I am sorry for the loss in your family.
Reply:Bad blood with the mother-in-law shouldn%26#039;t influence your decision. Things like that should be put aside in a time of grieving. Was your husband very close to his uncle? How does he feel? Does he just want to %26quot;make an appearance%26quot; or grieve with his family? If I were in this situation, I think I would let my husband make the decision because it%26#039;s his relation and I would want him to do what he feels is right. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices (money, in your case) to do what%26#039;s right. And then other times maybe you just can%26#039;t due to your situation. Ask your husband. See how he feels.



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